Disclaimers:  OK, I don't own ANY of the characters mentioned in this
story, but you knew that.  And I promise, if someone tries to send me
money for this, I'll send it back, or to FOX.  But I REALLY doubt that's
gonna happen.  :-)

Category: VRA

Rating: G

Summary: Mulder's thoughts after Scully tells him about Emily.

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"A Part of Me and Yet No Part..."
by Julie L. Jekel
 

Scully has a daughter.

I feel numb, almost as much so as I did when Kurt Crawford told me that
all the women who'd been abducted had been rendered sterile.  I should
be happy for her, glad that the piece of womanhood that had been so
viciously ripped away from her has been given back now.  But I can't,
and in a twisted way it's part of the same reason that hurt me so much
to learn that she was barren.

Emily isn't mine.

I know I'm not supposed to have those sorts of dreams--she's my partner,
only a co-worker, or so I tried to tell myself.  But from the moment
Scully first expressed the desire to one day be a mother, sitting on
that bench in the podunk town of Home, Pennsylvania, I couldn't get the
image out of my mind.  The image of having a baby placed into my arms,
an infant blessed with her hair and eyes but cursed with my nose.  A
baby that would be a living, breathing testimony to what I have felt for
her so long now that I can no longer remember not loving her.

Yes, I love her.  I love her so much that if I had the courage, I would
fall on my knees and propose to her tomorrow.  But I'm afraid of losing
her, of losing our partnership, and so I continue on in silence.  And I
know that even if I ever find that courage, part of the dream will never
come true.  We will never have a child together.

Now she has a child, a daughter I already love as if she were my own,
even knowing she is not and never can be.  I can't go back and rewrite
her DNA to weave mine into it, as much as I want to.  The greatest
miracle in the life of the woman I love and I can never be fully a part
of it.

I wonder if They knew, when They did that to her, that They were taking
it away from me as well?  Did they mean to strike us both down with this
one, shattering blow?  Or was it maybe meant to place a wall between us,
to divide us by giving her something we could never share?

Whatever the answer may be, it doesn't matter anymore.  Either way, my
heart is still breaking.
 

FIN
 
 

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